A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

-Uknown

My husband thinks I'm crazy...But I'm not the one who married me!

-Uknown

Just so you know I renewed my backseat-driver's license!

-Uknown

I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

-Uknown

Never wake s leeping woman...cause then she'll be awake.

-Uknown

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

-Uknown

If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you should do it the way I told you in the beginning.

-yourEcards

Life always offer you a second chance...it's called tomorrow.

-Uknown

It's better to be late than to arrive ugly.

-Uknown

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

-WC Fields

I've got to stop saying," How stupid can you be?" Too many people are taking it as a challenge.

-Uknown

The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.

-Uknown

When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.

-Uknown

Heck. yes I'm SHORT. God only let's things grow until they are perfect. Some of us didn't take as long as others.

-Uknown

People who say they sleep like a baby, usually don't have one.

-Leo Burke

A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.

-Uknown

My mind says I'm in my twenties....but my body says, "Yeah, you wish."

-Uknown

Some people aren't just missing the odd screw. The whole freakin' TOOLBOX is gone.

-Uknown