Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

-Unknown

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

--Unknown

Life was much easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.

-Unknown

I'm not fat I'm just easy to see.

-Unknown

Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down....are the ones who got you mad in the first place.

-Uknown.

I love Facebook. It's the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.

-Unknown

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

-Unknown

I wish people were more like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.

-Unknown

I understand some people live in their own little world, sometimes I wish they would stay there and never visit mine.

-Unknown

Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg.

-Unknown

Sometimes I wake up Grumpy othertimes I just let her sleep.

-Uknown

Life's tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.

-Benjamin Franklin

MENstruation, MENopause, MENtal breakdowns. Notice how all women's problems begin with men.

-Uknown

If one glass of wine is good for you.....just imagine what a whole bottle could do!

-Uknown

Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you are in it, but the longer you stay in the more wrinkled you get.

-Uknown

Tomorrow(noun): A mystical land where 99% of all human productivity, motivation and achievement is stored.

-Uknown

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

-Rodney Dangerfield

Common sense is like deodorant. the people who need it most never use it.

-Uknown